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List of posts by André Harris
This is the page of André's posts on TheSlap.com. Posts *'Robbie': Poker tonight? *'André': For sure. See ya there. *'André': My grandma got scared—now she's hiding under the bed. Gonna have to use a broom to get her out. *'André': Mixing beats. Feeling the flow. Musician stuff. *'André': Typing with one hand, flossing with the other. Think I'm gonna have to give one or the other up. *'André': Hey, everyone! I FINALLY put up my video profile. Hope you like it. If you don't please don't tell me—I have a fragile ego. Ha! *'André': Lakers or Celtics??? *'André': Writing. Songs. Studio. Love my Life. *'André': Parts of me are sweating that I didn't know could sweat. *'André': What is up with those vuvuzelas at those soccer games? Sounds like a bunch of bees. I hate bees! *'André': Not that I'm obsessed with Ketchup but... Ketchup or Catsup? Which is it, people? **'Cat': I like Catsup. 'Cuz it's like, "Hey, Cat... 'sup?" Hehehehe. Oh, not much. What's up with you? *'André': Lovin' summer vacation! Why can't school be on the beach? With tropical smoothies? And girls in bikinis? *'André': My question is: Why do peanuts have shells? Were they once an endangered speecies that needed protection? *'André': Picking up raw meat to grill. Can't wait! See ya in a few, Beck. **'Beck': Pick up pickles please. **'Cat': Heeeey, you said three "p" words in one sentence. Well I guess you really didn't "say" them, but you wrote them. I know there's a word for that. **'Robbie': Alliteration. It's called alliteration. **'Rex': Word Nerd. *'André': Fill in the blank: I love it when... *'André': Goin' jogging. See you guys later. **'Beck': Back from your jog yet? **'André': Nah. Stayed at home. Ate a corn dog. Good times. *'André': My crazy grandma just sucker-punched my laptop. Anyone got $1400 I could borrow? *'André': Found an instrument I can't play—but who cares about the Sitar anyway. *'André': Just noticed that one of the moods you can pick on TheSlap is "Blum". Is that even a word? *'André': There seems to be an app for everything. Where's the app for my toaster? This bagel's taking FOREVER! *'André': C'mon BEES! What's a guy gotta do to get stung around here? *'André': Wrote a new song this week. If you're nice to me, I'll post it on TheSlap. *'André': Robbie made me feel his foot... and I LOVED it! Hey, don't judge. *'André': Tonight is Breakfast-for-Dinner Night! My grandma may be crazy but she makes a mean French toast. *'André': Dear Guy in the Car Next to Me, your windows aren't tinted! I can see your finger in your nose. *'André': Why is it 20 degrees colder inside school than outside? Gonna wear a parka tomorrow. *'André': Picking out some music to mow the yard to. I'm thinking mo-town...... it just sounds right. *'André': It's official: I'm all out of Dr. Chocostein cereal. Why can't they sell seasonal Halloween-themed cereal all year long. :( *'André': My grandmother refuses to carve the turkey. She thinks the turkey's family is going to come after her for revenge. *'André': Buffalo nuggets = My new favorite food. Sorry spicy tuna, you've been replaced. *'André': I bought fancy socks and the only people who have ever seen them were at airport security. Sock Fail. *'André': Does anyone else think that the idea of a grown man in a costume coming down your chimney is weird? *'André': Gonna be the ONLY one on here NOT posting about Chistmas! Awww, man. I mentioned Christmas. *'André': Bought my grandma flowers today. She flipped 'cuz she swears the thorns are little tiny cameras for spying. *'André': Uh, before you use the bathroom in someone's house, make sure they got toilet paper! *'André': Would it kill somebody to kiss me on New Year's Eve? I'll take a cheek! *'André': Man, first 4,000 birds fall from the sky then the milk in my fridge expired. What next?? *'André': I can't fake cry. What is wrong with me? *'André': Why would anyone tie their feet to a board and jump off a mountain in the freezing stone? #snowboardingisstupid *'André': Y'know, Wednesday is one of the weirdest looking words in the English language. *'André': Every day I go to class and crave coconut milk. Sikowitz won't share. *'André': Nobody offers to tickle my tummy. :( *'André': Are fist bumps still cool? Cuz Robbie just tried to fist bump me. I don't think it's cool anymore. No offense Rob. *'André': Sick. :( But I heard coughing is actually a good ab workout. Cough. Cough. *'André: '''Is there anything that doesn't taste better BBQ'd? I dare you to name it. **'Tori': Cereal. **'Robbie': Milk. **'Beck': Sushi. **'André': Okay okay, I guess most things taste worse BBQ'd. My bad. *'André': The Bad News: Security had to haul my cousin Kendra away. The Good News: She got offered her own talk show. *'André': I accidentlally stepped in some wet cement so I went ahead and put my hand prints in too and signed it. Maybe it'll be worth something some day. *'André': Just found week-old ravioli in my locker. Gave it to Sinjin. He seemed happy enough about it. *'André': Found out the Grub Truck started selling sushi. Call me crazy but I am NOT eating sushi out of a truck. *'André': How exactly does someone "crawl like a centipede"? I wrote the lyrics to "Beggin' on Your Knees" and even I'm not sure what it means. *'André': Do you think regular pizza is jealous of pepperoni pizza? *'André': My neighbor is selling his "keytar" (you know that keyboard you play like a guitar). Should I buy it? Cool or dorky? *'André': @ a private Ke$ha concert! Only had to go through 617 cartons of ice cream to win it!!! Wait, it probably would have been cheaper to buy tickets. *'André': You know why I never learned the trumpet? The spit valve. I don't wanny play an instrument that stores my drool. *'André': Ow. Fell asleep on my keys. Remind me to NEVER do that again. *'André': My grandma got freaked out when my PearPhone rang, so she smashed it with a hammer. Guess it's time to get the new PearPhone 8G... *'André': Finally managed to detach Sherry's lips from my face. My poor lips need a vacation. **'Rex': Robbie's lips need a job. *'André': Had to break up with Sherry. She's doing fine... my lips are finally getting back in 'em. *'André': Guess who I'm hangin' with RIGHT NOW?! Kenan Thompson! Dude is so cool. I'll tell you all about it later! *'André': There's NO PARTY AT KENAN'S house! Don't listen to that puppet. (Ah, man...Kenan's gonna kill me.) **'Rex': Ha, ha,ha! *'André': My grandma just used my PearPad as a cookie sheet. Today I learned PearPads are not oven-safe. **'Beck': Didn't you just have to replace your PearPhone? **'André': Yeah, this woman is costing me a fortune. *'André:' I've got a bad case of the Thursdays. Not sure what it means, but I got it bad. *'André: I'm allergic to dust mites and my grandma is scared of the vacuum cleaner. Something's got to give. *'André: '''Anyone else think Beck kinda looks like Elvis? *'André: Reason I love L.A. #3457: Avocado tree in my backyard = Fresh guacamole whenever I want! *'André:' Gonna rent a boat this weekend. Just call me Captain Andre! Gonna rock that boat! *'André:' Taking a break from the world! Not answering my direct messages, my private messages, my voicemail messages, my emails, my texts. #nothingpersonal *'André:' Going to the zoo for the first time in forever. I hope the monkeys don't mock me again. Traumatized me for years! *'André:' I gotta go break up with a girl who THINKS she's my girlfriend—she's NOT. Can someone say obsessive texter? *'André:' Used to be I couldn't get stung by a bee... now they won't leave me alone! Maybe I should stop using honey-scented bodywash... *'André:' Why do I watch movies about horses? They always die in the end! Anyone got any tissues? *'André:' I went to a party and took Sinjin as my wingman. I blame myself for going home dateless. *'André: '''I'm horrible at tennis, ping pong, squash and badminton. I should really stay away from racket-based sports *'Sinjin:' Hey man, do you wanna play some racquetball this weekend? *'André: Did you even look at my status update? *'Sinjin: '''No, I usually just comment on things without reading them. *'André: 'Had a blast on my date with Keeko... NO THANKS TO YOU GUYS AND YOUR ENDLESS FLASHBACKS! **'Cat: 'I never got to do a flashback. boo :( **'Jade: 'You did, but it wasn't yours. You can have some oatmeal now. Pick yourself up some on your way over here—and get me a lemonade. *'André: Dear Neighbors, I'll stop playing the drums at night if you stop mowing your lawns at 6:30 in the morning. Deal? *'André: '''I have nothing to talk about this week. Nope. Nothing. I don't have a crush on anybody! Stop asking me! Ahhh! I'm going wonky over here! *'André: I just found a picture of me as a little kid dressed as a blue dinosaur named Zeebo. Man, what a terrible costume. *'André: '''I couldn't cut it as an eskimo. The water in my shower turned cold for like 3 seconds and I nearly froze to death. *'André: My neighbor is a fortune teller. Ironically, she couldn't predict her car was gonna get towed this morning. #FortuneFail. *'André: '''My grandma refuses to shower. She says she doesn't trust "indoor rain". *'André:' I've got 3 thanksgiving dinners I have to go to: my grandma's, my dad's, and my new gf's. I'm gonna be so full of pecan pie I might explode. *'André:' When I get older, I want to have a helicopter so I never have to sit in traffic. I'd also like a pretty girl to ride in the helicopter with me. *'André:' Even though my teacher gave my Christmas song a D, I respect his decision. I just think he needs to see a doctor to get his stupid ears checked!!! *'André:' It's hard to get excited for Christmas without snow. Anybody know how much a snowmaker costs? **'Cat:' You can borrow my portable snowmaker from the Sky Store! **'André:' No thanks. I want snow that won't kill me if eaten. *'André:' Going to a Christmas party/ugly sweater competition. I borrowed a sweater from Sikowitz. Think I'm going to win this year. *'André:' Why do I wait until the last minute every year to go shopping? I'm the 146th person in line at the store. Just so I can buy my grandma a new pair of PJs. **'Tori:' New PJs? **'André:' Yeah, she burned her last pair because she thought they were haunted. Don't ask. *'André:' Thought things were going great with this new girl til she texted me and called me Arnold. Dating fail! *'André:' My little cousin just owned me in video game bowling. I feel so ashamed. *'André:' Why are Inside-Out burgers so addictive??? 2 hours 'til dinner. Don't think I can wait! I need me some of that meaty goodness now! *'André': Whoever just shouted "Hi" and "What's up?" to me on Sunset... I know I said "What's up?" back, but I couldn't tell who it was ... Sorry lol *'André: Every time I see a girl with a tattoo of her bf's face I think, "Ya know that's gonna hurt to remove when y'all break up." *'André: '''I'm under so much pressure to be the best. If only I was okay with being mediocre. *'André: 'Should I dump my horrible girlfriend tonight BEFORE singing for her big-shot dad or AFTER? Ah, my conscience hurts! *'André: Beck and I are playing identical twins in a new play. I just hope my grandma will be able to tell us apart. *'André:' Just got a giant paper cut. C'mon paper! What did I ever do to you? I thought we were tight! *'André:' How come every weekend I plan to go to the beach it has to rain? Nature is toying with me. *'André:' The thing I'll miss most about April Fools' Day is the feeding children. Why can't we have children feed us the other 364 days of the year? *'André:' My grandma just washed and dried my shoes in the laundry. On the plus side, they look brand new... but now they're two sizes too small. *'André: '''You know you're tired when you try to lock an ATM with your car keys. *'André: I really wish my grandma would stop dumping her bowl of oatmeal in my car. It's not doing anything for the resell value. *'André: '''Met a girl at the gas station today. I wrote her a song while she pumped. Can't get more romantic than that. *'André: 'I gotta take my computer keyboard to the sssssssshop. My sssssssss key keepssssssss ssssssssssticking. *'André: 'No matter how bad my day's been, I always feel better when I get a guitar in my hands. *'Andre: 'Festus just de-friended me. I think it's because I bad mouthed his meatloaf. I'm sorry Festus, I take it back. *'Festus: 'Never diss a man's meatloaf. *'Andre: 'Met Bruno Mars in a bathroom stall today. Gotta say, he's the coolest pop star i ever saw sitting on a toilet. *'Andre: 'Apparently i've had a giant wad of spinach stuck in my teeth all day and not one of you said anything to me. Thanks guys! (That's sarcasm btw.) *'Andre: I asked my grandma for a B.L.T. She made me a butter, lemon, and toffee sandwich. I think I'll make my own from now on. *'Andre': I'm trying to write a new song about fitness. Does anyone have a good word that rhymes with cardiovascular? *'Andre:' I used to own a fish. But my grandma got rid of it because she said it was always staring at her. *'Andre:' Missing: Larry the Parrot. Reward: Well, I don't have any money, but I'll write any kind of song you want. (Except Country. Just not my thing.) *'Andre:' Boys bathroom is under construction so we have to use the girls' room. It's so nice in here. I don't think I can go back. *'Andre:' At the Asphalt Cafe. Just watched a guy in a chicken suit ride by on a unicycle. This school isn't normal. *'Andre:' Going golfing for the first time ever. I'm awesome at putt putt so I hope the skills carry over. *'Andre': Just met a Lady Gaga look-a-like at the bus stop. Oh I forgot to mention he's an overweight, middle-aged man. Wish my car wasn't in the shop. *'Andre:' Just got back to school and found out my keyboard locker is out of tune. #HollywoodArtsProblems *'Andre:' My face when I got the last baked clam at lunch: :D My face when I realized It was just an empty shell: :'-( *'Andre: '''My doctor just diagnosed me with Collywobbles. Sounds like a bad kids' music group. *'Andre:' There was a rat in my locker today. I knew I shouldn't have been storing cheese in there *'Andre:' Yes, I know! Beck and I are wearing the exact same clothes today and NO we didn't plan it out. Please keep your funny comments to yourself. *'Andre:' Why does Robbie always do the giggle chin when he flirts? And would it work if I started doing it? *'Andre:' My grandma left town cuz she thinks there'll be an earthquake tomorrow. I laughed at first, but now I'm all freaked out. Somebody hold me. *'Andre:' After being stuck with Robbie for 12 hours in a pear costume, I can't even look at green fruit anymore without feeling anxiety. *'Andre:' Why have I never heard of liquid bandages before?!? I can't wait to get a paper cut so I can try it out! *'Andre:' I've been celebrating Halloween since Friday. Now it's here and I'm tired of partying. Probably gonna go to bed early tonight. *'Andre:' Okay, I COULD go and do some sit-ups right now OR I could go ahead and eat this third slice of pie. Decisions, decisions. *'Andre:' Standing in line to buy a new Pear Pad. And I don't even have to dress up like a pear to do it. Life is good. *'Andre:' I can't even look at a roll of toilet paper right now without getting chills. Can Jade really kill someone with it? Scary stuff, man. *'Andre:' I know I'm supposed to get out of bed, but I can't. Curse you incredibly warm and comfy electric blanket! *'Andre:My grandma put our Christmas tree in the toilet to water it. It's a plastic tree. Whole lotta wrong with this situation. *'''Andre: Accidentally shrunk a t-shirt in the dryer. I was mad until all the girls started asking me if I work out. Best mistake I ever made *'Andre:' Why's everybody gotta be so down on fruitcake? I love the stuff. Eating some right now. MMMmmmmmmmm fruit cake. *'Andre:' No Grandma, aliens aren't attacking the Earth. Those are fireworks. It happens every year. *'Andre:' Chillin' at Tori's, eating a mediocre pot pie. But like I always say, "An okay pot pie is better than no pot pie." **'Tori:' First of all, I can't believe you ATE our entire Family Pot Pie! And second, I've never actually heard you say that. *'Andre:' Umm, guys… go check out Cat's profile page. Girl's gone on a tweet rampage! *'Andre:' Yes, our Slap competition was petty and wrong… but look at all the followers I got! Oh yeah! People love themselves some Andre *'Andre:' Babysitting my nephews. One of 'em just spilled OJ on my keyboard. I don't think $10 and hour even begins to cover this. *'Andre:' Hanging with that smelly-footed weirdo, Posey, and sippin' on nasty tomato juice. And I can't say NO! Curse you Sikowitz!!! Category:TheSlap.com Category:Quotes Category:Hollywood Arts